Sparkling Glitter-filled Messages

So I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all I’ll...

Mon, 31 Oct 2011 10:59:43 +0000

So I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all

I’ll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered, all I am is yours

This is something I’ve been fighting against for a while. I’ve struggled with giving everything over to God. I fight against it because I don’t like being in that place where I feel completely vulnerable. I’ve been pushing against spending time with God because of it and because I don’t seem to have the time.

I’ve just had my mid-semester break from Uni and this has completely changed. Because I’ve had so much time this week, I’ve spent so much time with God. And I’ve finally just let myself go and completely fell in love with Jesus again. The major change was during a time of worship. I was listening to The Stand by Hillsongs United (song from start of post) and during the part above, I ended up on my knees with tears streaming down my face and realised that I had to surrender everything. I couldn’t fight it anymore. Since then I’ve been trying to because I don’t want to leave that place of feeling so much peace and so much of God’s love.

Today is going to be the hardest day. I am back at uni today and back to the crazy busy life that comes with it. I just need to remember to surrender everything, everyday and to not let uni and friends interfere with it.

solemnly-swear: shallowjokesandbrokenthoughts: survivingoffhope...

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 16:08:06 +0100

solemnly-swear:

shallowjokesandbrokenthoughts:

survivingoffhope:

(( Is it bad that I cried?

I really needed this.

Thank you, quiet place. ))

Reblogging myself.

I still have the tab open.

I really needed this. T__T <3

♥♥♥

Oh god. <3 Going here everyday.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS PLANET NEEDS TO CLICK THIS

At first I thought it was an error, but then I got it and it’s like fucking epic. 8D

oh my god<3.

oh wow.

I think I’m just gonna leave this open in a tab cuz it’s really pretty…

THIS IS MY HOMEPAGE NOW

:>

THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING.

This really made my day.

This is was so….wow.

reblogging this again.

do it. Every once in a while we all need this.

FAVE post

I didn’t want the little text to go. I was sad when it said goodbye :’( I want the world to be like this forever

i will open this Daily.

That was perfect.

In a really good place just now. After how I was feeling at the start of the week and how bad I...

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 22:59:50 +0000

In a really good place just now. After how I was feeling at the start of the week and how bad I felt at the weekend I never thought that I’d be able to say that so soon.

I guess everything about how great I’m feeling is to do with God. I eventually gave in and put Him first and decided not to sit around feeling sorry for my self. I decided that I had to be proactive and not just wait on things changing.

Everything started to turn around on Tuesday night. I went to prayer night at church which ended up being a worship night. The atmosphere that night was truly amazing and I could feel God’s presence so much. After “prayer” on Tuesday night, me and Cat went for coffee and the most amazing chat and the one that made me change how I was acting. She gave me the spiritual weapons to use to help beat my depression and how to use them. I went home that night completly fired up and spent the whole night worshiping, praying and generally spending time in God’s presence.

Since then I actually havent thought about my depression. Well I have but not in a way that would make it worse. I feel so different and feel like I can actually beat my depression properly this time.

Ive finally turned a corner. I feel so much more equipped to beat my depression and anything else that is going to come against me. And Im remembering to spend time with God everyday which is helping me so much.

Was prepared to write a rather happy blog this week but not now. I started the week in a good...

Sun, 21 Nov 2010 23:12:50 +0000

Was prepared to write a rather happy blog this week but not now.

I started the week in a good place. I finally felt like i was beating my depression and not just living in it. I’d spent so much time praying about everything that I felt so close to God and so incredibly strong on my faith. I started to feel like I didnt need to feel guilty for being happy anymore and I was incredibly glad.

I wish my week had stayed like that. What I had planned for this weekend should have been fantastic, and it still was but not in the way I thought it would be. I realised how much Im still lying to myself and how much Im still putting on an act in front of others. I thought I could go out and have fun without having to fake a smile and fake every laugh but I couldnt. It actually really hurt me that I had to spend so much time faking a smile when I shouldnt have to. I shouldnt have to force myself to be happy and to look happy.

This weekend also made me realise how much I miss my bestfriend. It was really stupid things like not going to see Harry Potter together the day it came out like we have for every film. I spent most of the film in tears because he wasnt there and I actually really missed him.

I suppose this semester at uni has just been so incredibly difficult for me and theres a lot of times Ive felt that I couldnt cope and have wanted to end everything. Im thankful that I havent but wish that life would just get better and I wouldnt have to spend everyday in pain.

Getting ready to go home to start the weekend I’ve been dreading. Its not that its...

Thu, 04 Nov 2010 22:33:50 +0000

Getting ready to go home to start the weekend I’ve been dreading. Its not that its necessarily going to be a bad weekend, its just i don’t want to spend the weekend in tears.

I cant believe it will be two years on Saturday. It still feels like yesterday that I last seen you. I’m still not used to not seeing you every week. It brings me to tears every time I think of you and feel like I’m forgetting. I think about you everyday and miss you so so much. I never got to say goodbye in person and it kills me. I never got to tell you how much you had helped change my life and I now wish I had told you all the time.

The most upsetting thing is that you weren’t there to see me do all the things you said i could. When I was doubting getting my place at uni, you always believed i would get there. You were already gone when I did. My last week at church before moving was so incredibly difficult without you there. You always believed that I would get to uni and always spoke it over. It was so difficult when you weren’t there to see the fruit of it.

I don’t want to spend this weekend in tears because that’s not what you would want, but sometimes I cant stop them. I know that at the graveside on Saturday I wont be able to stop myself from breaking down.

Although you’re gone I still remember so much that you said and listen to your teachings all the time. Even now you’re still helping me get through life. I will never forget how much you meant to me and how much you changed my life.

I’m going to spend the weekend with amazing people who I have missed so much. I cant wait to get home and get to spend the whole weekend with them. Just wish it was under different circumstances and that you were there too.

Sometimes I feel like im forgetting you. I can easily listening to your teachings and remember your voice and i have picture. But sometimes I feel like i cant remember you.

I’ll never forget how much you influenced me and how much of what i do now is because of you. You helped to make me a better person through your amazing influence and inspiration. Your amazing faith and strength in God has been one of the biggest influences in my life. How you coped with what you were going through was amazing and has helped give me the strength to get through any situation I face.

I just miss you so much more at this time of year and wish I could still see you.

Even though the weekend is going to be incredibly difficult, I get to see people Ive not seen since August. And I get to see my second mum who Ive not seen since July and have missed so so much and cant wait for hugs from her. I know this weekend is going to help to cheer me up and will help me work through the situation I’m in.

R.I.P Pastor Peter Hadden - will never forget you <3

Just had such an amazing night. Completely made me realise how great my friends are. I know that the...

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 01:30:48 +0000

Just had such an amazing night. Completely made me realise how great my friends are. I know that the most important thing in my life and the most important thing in getting my through depression is God. I realised tonight how amazing my friends are are and how supportive they are. I need to learn to rely and trust in my friends more and not keep everything to myself. I was also reminded of my intolerance for alcohol and that no matter how much I drink I never get drunk. This is usually a really great thing but on nights like tonight when I’m drinking to forget the pain then it’s not so great. I wanted to feel the complete oblivion of being so drunk that I don’t know a thing and forget about how much I hate my life right now. Also having a chat with Lisa today made me feel a bit better. It gave me a time where I could have a proper talk with Lisa which we’ve not had in such a long time. It also gave me a chance to spend time with a good friend abc not feel guilty and except for the times that we spoke about it, forget what was going wrong in my life. I need to start embracing days like toddy because they are very few just now. I never thought my depression would get this bad again but it has and I need to use days like this to get me through it.

I’m still being gripped by my depression. Wish I didn’t need to feel so broken. I am...

Sun, 31 Oct 2010 00:26:51 +0100

I’m still being gripped by my depression. Wish I didn’t need to feel so broken. I am fighting it better than ever did before. Last time I would be in the middle of a cycle of self harm by now, thinking that it was my only release. A way to justify the pain I was feeling or to make me feel pain when I was numb. I’ve been fighting against the urge to self harm but feel so close to cracking. The worst thing I could do is go back to self harming and am fighting with every single ounce of strength I have to get through this. To make it worse the weekend I spend all year dreading is next weekend. Although the weekend does bring back happy memories and should be a celebration it also brings back memories that bring me to tears. I can already feel the heartbreak that I am going to go through next weekend and will spend every minute of this week thinking about it. At least I will be surrounded by the most amazing people, all of whom are going to be going through the same thing

Really not having a great time just now. It just seems like the pain inside will never stop. I just...

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 23:34:29 +0100

Really not having a great time just now. It just seems like the pain inside will never stop. I just want a time where I feel no pain. I want a time where I feel nothing without feeling numb. Feeling numb is almost as bad as always feeling the pain. I always said I would never let my depression get this bad again, I would never let it get so out of control. It seems like whenever I feel a bit better it slips through my fingers and spirals away from me. I never thought I’d let it get to the point where I want to self harm again but right now it’s all I think about. I don’t need to add to my physical scars but I really feel I need that release. The mental scars are already to much to bear without adding anymore pain. I just want the pain to stop. To no longer feel the hurt. To no longer feel the ache in my heart and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. To be able to live life without feeling guilty for being happy.

Had such an amazing weekend. Spent so much time with God and learnt so much. The Jerusalem...

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 23:41:58 +0100

Had such an amazing weekend. Spent so much time with God and learnt so much. The Jerusalem conference on Saturday was awesome. I learnt so much about God and my faith that I hadn’t even thought of before. Kinda changed my whole outlook in my faith and how I think about it. The night to honour Israel is on of the best nights I’ve had in my life. I left the event feeling so much closer to God and completely changed. I can’t even describe how fantastic the night was and how it changed me. I can just feel God doing some amazing things in my life and stirring up something awesome in me. I feel incredibly humble that I was part of such a historic event and that I was able to be such a help for it.

For Zion’s sake I will not stay silent

Have had such an amazing and emotional day. It started with an amazing, God-filled service at...

Sun, 26 Sep 2010 18:28:51 +0100

Have had such an amazing and emotional day.

It started with an amazing, God-filled service at church. I could feel God’s presence throughout the whole service. We had one of the best times of praise and worship I’ve ever been in. During worship, I felt God’s love in a way I haven’t in a long time. Such an awesome feeling to completely bask in His presence and feel Him changing my life while I’m completely lost in worship to Him. Just reminded me how much more time I need to spend in His presence. I need to remember and try and spend everyday with God, in His presence.

The teaching on defeating the spirit of heaviness was the exact teaching I needed to hear today (~~in fact the teaching I need to hear most weeks~~). I’m now going to live my life by praying and praising through everything. I’m not going to let situations get me down and completely change how I’m thinking like I normally do.

After church, I had a team meeting for a conference that the church are doing. It turned into an awesomely powerful prayer session. I spent most of it one the verge of tears and just felt this outpouring from the bottom of my soul.

Since getting home from church, I’ve not wanted to leave the place that I was in and on the most part I haven’t. I’ve spent the whole afternoon worshiping God with all of my heart. I’ve spent at least half of it in complete surrender to God with tears streaming down my face. I never want to leave this place I’m in right now.

It’s now taken over an hour and a lot of tears to write this but its been so worth it.

Forever I am changed by your love, in the presence of your majesty.

Crazy Uni Times :)

Mon, 10 May 2010 09:26:03 +0100

Cannot believe that I’m nearly finished first year of uni already. It’s went to fast.

All kinda crazy now though. Getting every ready for my exams and trying to do this essay, which right now is obviously not happening. :)

Its been a great first year. Ive made some of the most amazing friends, who I honestly think I’ll be friends with for life. Had the most amazing times, just going out and being crazy with my friends. Times where we just go out and dance for hours without stopping.

Also had the best time on my course. Love the fact tht I’m getting to do what I love everyday and am training to do the job I’ve wanted to do my whole life. Can’t wait till my teaching placement next year. Should be good.

In a way I’m glad I’m finished first year cause it means I can move out of halls. Halls has been one of the best and worst experiences of my life. Best because of the amazing people I’ve been living with and just some of the fun banters we’ve had. Worst because some people are incapable of being tidy and keeping a kitchen clean.

Overall though, I’ve absolutly loved every second of first year and can’t wait for next year when me and my closest friends at uni have our own flat and just have good times

Heartbreaking times :(

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 20:26:53 +0100

Why does when everything seems to be going perfectly does something have to happen to bring you down?

Last week my life seemed great, things couldn’t get much better. Uni was great, I was having the most amazing times with my friends and had the best, best friend in the world who I was completely in love with and we had the best times ever and were like a couple, just never official.

That was until I get a call from my best friend saying that he was going out with one of my friends. To it hurt is the biggest understatement ever. I could literally feel my heart breaking in two and can feel the pain every single minute of the day. I feel like I’ve got hole where my hearts been ripped out and that its never going to heal. I’ve cried so many tears, I thought I would never stop. Spent days not being able to see because of tears. As they’re both my friends, I need to see them together all the time and that just restarts the whole process of me getting over him. Except I don’t think I ever want to get over him.

I know that God has an amazing plan for me and has the perfect guy in mind for me. But that fact doesn’t help when I feel like I’ve already found him. I’m going to hand everything over to God now and pray that He gives me peace of mind and surrounds me with His rest. I feel I need to pour everything I’m feeling into God and spend my time getting back to Him and fall back in love with him (L)